damn hippie.

Maybe you should listen, too.

2008-08-20T23:39:00.004-07:00

I take time to listen to those rejected by the modern church, the so-called "heathens," "sinners," and the "non-Christians." You know who they are, the ones we gossip about with a huff during lunch on Sunday afternoons about how they're going down the wrong path with the choices they make, the ones we distance ourselves from because "we don't associate ourselves with that" and "we want to stay pure."

Excuse me, didn't Jesus hang out with prostitutes, pharisees, cheating tax collectors, and religious terrorists?

I've learned that these are the ones who are rightly questioning the church. They ask me why the church spends so much money on themselves when poverty and homelessness is constantly increasing. They wonder why the church is so judgmental when they're able to have friends from all sorts of backgrounds and lifestyles.

The church is ill. Up to this point we've failed to be what we were called to be; we've failed the children God loves. To put it in the words of Shane Claiborne, the world is ready for a church on its knees, begging for forgiveness.

I'm going to set the record straight.

2008-07-18T09:24:00.006-07:00

For all you lovely people who just jump down my throat and assume I don't know what the hell I'm talking about; for all of you who think I'm just unappreciative and letting out blind anger-- you're the ones who are "talking out of your ass."

Yes, I'm 19 years old. Yes, I currently am home for the summer living with my mother after college this year. But don't say that I'm so reliant on her.

I have a job. Would you like to know what I do? I'm a server, and a pretty good one, too. I earn my own money. I pay for my own gas. I pay for my insurance. I pay my cell phone bill, too. I buy my own clothes when I need them. I buy all my own shampoo, soap, contact solution, etc... I'm usually at work so I'm not home very often. Guess I couldn't be using up that much electricity or eating too much food! Besides, I've bought a little bit of groceries here and there when it's needed. I helped with groceries in Michigan, too! I don't plan on living with my mother for the next year or so, and I certainly don't plan on ever living with her again. This will be the last time I live with her, and it will only be for 4 more months at the very most, just until i have about $2000 saved up so I can be on my own.

Everything that I need, I get myself. If I ever have to borrow money from my mother, I pay her back. Things are hard for everyone; she's had to borrow money from me, too.

Now that I've hopefully cleared up that part, we can move on to my next point.

What's the most simple idea of matter we're taught from the time we're in elementary school? Matter cannot be created or destroyed. What we have on earth now is all there's ever going to be. Stuff is made and stuff is destroyed and used for something else; it's all a big cycle. And if someone has more, then somebody else is going to have less.

Think about how many possessions we as Americans have. Now think about how poor the rest of the world is. We try and try to end poverty, end world hunger, make the world a better place. But we don't want to give up our BMW's and Chevy trucks, we don't want to give up GPS navigation and going out to dinner three times a week. We don't want to have to sacrifice our 2400 square foot houses, two computers, and four televisions.

I'm not claiming to be some sort of prophet. I'm not even saying I'm not guilty of this either. I'll admit I love my iPod, my MacBook, and my Blackberry just as much as anyone else. What I will say is that I see a need for change; I'm uncomfortable with how much greed has overtaken our entire society. You can't deny it either, because it's everywhere.

Think about the things we celebrate. We celebrate people for making a lot of money. We strive to make more and more than other people. Maybe not a specific person, but the goal is to make more than average, to do better and in essence be better. We want the nice car, the nice house, and in Havasu, a nice boat. We go to college not usually because we want to see what we can add to humanity and this world by doing what we love, but because our parents and the world tell us we need to make money and be successful and "make something of ourselves." It doesn't matter what you argue back, the point is it always comes down to how much money can be made.

Gandhi says it well with this quote: "There is enough for everyone's need, but there is not enough for everyone's greed." Of course I don't really hope for a perfect society where everyone has all they need and no child goes hungry; people are imperfect and therefore this world will always be imperfect. But what I do hope for is a change in thought, at least with some people. I'd like to get through to more than just the people who already agree with me. If I get through to them, then maybe they can get through to people I couldn't and it can continue to make even the slightest difference in this world. If by choosing not to buy into this American want for more, I can maybe share some of the world's wealth with someone who needs it, and that would bring me so much joy.

When you really think about it, it all comes down to love. Enough love for people and humanity to share, to give. The kind of love that just makes you love all people, just because they are people. Another great quote: "When we truly discover love, capitalism will not be possible and Marxism will not be necessary."

I'm learning, too. I'm desperately trying to learn to love with agape love, to have patience with people and our flaws. I get so angry at what I see and the fact that no one else sees what they're doing wrong that I forget to realize that I lack the same love that I'm angry that we don't have because of our greed.

Let's learn to love.

tourists.

2008-07-04T16:34:00.001-07:00

I took a cruise with my family this past week. The four of us went on a 4-day cruise to San Diego, Catalina Island, and Ensenada, Mexico.

I hated it (basically) the entire time.

I hated how planned out it was. The activities director, cruise director, all of their damn planners had something for every hour of the day, and everyone on the cruise was just supposed to participate like we were some sort of community. That's another thing-- I HATED being with those people on that big boat. Selfish, rich bastards who felt the need to spend as much money as they could on things they didn't need and to show it off, too. It was like a competition with them. I felt like I was in high school again. The girls on that boat looked and dressed just like the girls I went to high school with, too. They're all the same, and they looked at me and judged me just the way I was judged in high school. God I was so pissed that I had to be put through that again. And they're all such tourists! Confused, late, think that people are there working that boat just for them, speaking racial slurs, talking about making money and going to college and how well their kids are doing and how important it is to go to college and make money and all that other crap that I can't stand! I just wish more people had more depth to them. I don't understand it. And I'm the one who gets ridiculed for what I believe, even by my own parents! My own family ridicules my taking a year off school, my choice to be a vegetarian, my future plans, everything. They've been so brain-washed by this American idea of success, it's disgusting.

The third night we were on the boat, the crew put together the chocolate bar at midnight. All sorts of very yummy desserts throughout the 3rd level of the ship, and ice sculptures everywhere. You would not believe how long the line was for this dessert bar. And the entire time I was waiting my turn, I was hating everyone around me, and I was hating myself. I was participating in this cycle of excess, gluttony, and unnecessary extra, and I hated everything. I hated Americans. I hated Western culture. I hated all the greed. I hated tourists. And I hated myself. God it was terrible.

On top of everything, I totally felt the whole boat move whenever we weren't in port. Ugh.

That's the last time I ever go on a cruise. That's the last time I participate in American tourism.

I'm not saying seeing the world is bad. I just hate the western culture way of doing it.

"It can be done."

2008-06-25T17:12:00.005-07:00

"It can be done." That's what I told my mother yesterday, hopelessly trying to convince her that my plans for this coming school year were, in fact, possible. She'd much rather have me stay here in our little hometown and continue taking one or two basic college classes, "just so you can keep going in case you decide to go back to school." But I've got bigger plans.

I want to be a writer; a novelist to be exact. I don't necessarily want to write complete fiction because to be totally honest, I'm absolutely terrible at coming up with story ideas. But writing about real people with real stories, that I can do.

Call me conceited or self-centered, but I've always wanted to write a story about myself. I've gone through some really tough times, a lot more than most people my age. I've learned a lot from all of it, too; I've been told that I see things differently than others and that I'm much wiser than my age allows. And who knows, maybe other people will see that, also. Of course I have several other ideas for books, ones that I have yet to begin anywhere else except my mind.

In addition to my writing pursuits, I want to see everything. I've always thought it'd be amazing to live in all the major US cities and indulge myself in the culture and the people, so that's what I plan to do. I plan to live in each city in the cheaper parts of town (hey, the coolest people live there!) and just work temp jobs for about a month. If I like it, I'll stay a little longer, but never more than 3 or 4 months; I have to keep going. When I decide to get my own place and settle in one spot, maybe I'll go back. Until then, just call me the Queen of Vagabonds.